Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
