That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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