I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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