K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
