i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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