We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
