it hurts more in the daytime
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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