the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
