i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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