But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
