I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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