yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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