this beer tastes like vomit already
im six kinds of drunk right now
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
