Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
