worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She just used a chaser for red wine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
