i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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