so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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