1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
