when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Damn victory sex feels great
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