my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
