If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
