Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
