So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
