somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
