Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
do nipples grow back?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize