He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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