i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
