when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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