Im at strip club and am horny
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
