I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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