I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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