Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just high enough for therapy.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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