Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
