I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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