i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
