There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
