dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize