I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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