I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
