That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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