Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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