I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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