he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
