I can tuck mytits in my pants
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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