dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think my vagina is haunted
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
