She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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