we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
