Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
