Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
