He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
