I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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