then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.