sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter