we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
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I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We almost ended up sober because of u!!