I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground