Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit