Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.