i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize