oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
