I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
