Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
