I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
