One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
