Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
