i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
