We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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