I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
