What did we do last night that was yellow?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
